Advice comes in many forms

Had an interesting eveing talking to a friend who has been going through relationship problems. We talked at length about feelings, actions and more importantly advice. He advised that people have told him to just 'poke around, see what's out there (if you will).' Of course, everyone has words of wisdom for someone facing strife. For example, these folks giving him womanly advice are here just for the now, for the immediate satisfaction and moment. It is a great way to forget about the past and move on to the next one. Complete jerks? Probably not. Short sighted and immature? Certainly. Who doesn't love offering advice, especially when solicited. I love giving advice. I love being an advisor, a mediator; hell, my ideal job is to be the ombudsman for National Public Radio (baby steps to hit that dream).  However, not all advice is beneficial in the long-term.

How often is someone scorned and the immediate response is to indulge in vices? Whether it be drugs, drink or seduction, the easiest reprieve from a difficult situation is to indulge in life's greatest maleficences. It is easy to forget that every experience and encounter allows one to become a better, more fulfilled individual or transversely allows one to suppress or ignore the duty of  here and now.  It is easy to get caught up in the minutiae of life whether it be a job, people or surroundings. I do, however, always take a moment to ground myself and refocus on what is important. Every experience, bother, hatred or scorn is just an opportunity to grow as an individual. The difficulty comes in being aware and possessing a willingness to constantly evaluate and reevaluate.

Advice comes in many forms. I lean heavily towards a meditative and Buddhist lifestyle. I believe everything happens for a reason; life offers a lesson at every turn and ultimately the hope is that, "Whenever you fall, pick something up." While I never want to preach or act better than another I do try to always look at the big picture, evaluating how today's actions will impact tomorrow. What I do today will ultimately shape who I am tomorrow and how others receive me.

 Taking a step back, I think about the shortsighted advice to just live for this very moment. I certainly believe in being happy today. here. now. Does happiness equal contentment? Of course. However, while we should all try to live in the present and be happy in thee here and now it is extremely detrimental to forgo respect, forgetting and/or ignoring all actions and/or consequences...it invalidates other's opinions, feelings and lives. To be truly happy, enlightened and content, means respecting everyone, regardless of the situation and/or background, embracing differences rather than contempt for what is unfamiliar or foreign.

Advice comes in many forms. It is easy to take the cowardly way out, acting like a jerk, not facing true feelings or acting in a manner unbecoming of an adult ( I use that term loosely - just what does it mean to be an adult?!? - surely another blog topic all its own). It takes an honest individual to be true to oneself and others, regardless of how hard that may be. A challenge I impress upon myself, are you up for it?

exit interviews

All of life's ups and downs should be accompanied by exit interviews. You know, the prerequisite final hurrah when quitting an organization. Why are you leaving? What was good? What needs improvement? Why is the grass greener?

A lot could be gleaned if life could do the same. If every time you faced disappointment from someone or something you could sit down and gather honest, upfront information. If every time something didn't work out as you wanted or expected it to there would be someone who could tell you exactly why. Don't get me wrong, there is an aspect to that in every day life. Ask anyone who has shed tears to family and friends, there are people there to listen to our plights and offer sage advise. Sometimes, however, it isn't enough.

Part of personal and professional development is being coachable. Being humble enough to know you need to improve and having someone (yourself, a boss, a friend, a lover) outline what that improvement entails and why.

As people I think we are often afraid to disappoint and hurt others as well as ourselves. I believe if we functioned in an environment of open communication, albeit without accusation or hurtful intent, many people would be open not only to some introspective improvement, but also to live more for others and pay it forward.

I don't know. Life throws weird turns our way and it can be tough to understand why things happen the way they do. Instead of focusing on the past, I need to control what I can today and act upon that. Easy to say, sometimes it feels impossible to do.A few friends have told me lately to let go of the control and just go with the flow. This exit interview is helpful. The more I try to tightly hold everything and force a hand the more I create my own expectations and set myself up for disappointment.

So life as you were for so many yesterdays, here is my exit interview: I have a death grip on what I want to but cannot control. The death grip ends today. I need to go and explore and not be side tracked by my fear of the unknown. I cannot plan out everything and some things only happen when one is completely willing to just jump in and swim. So my dissatisfaction with career, personal life, whatever can't change unless I am the one to make it happen. Watch out life, my c'est la vie attitude and lifestyle returns to propel me into the best chapter yet.