The process

Creativity [kree-ey-tiv-i-tee] n. the ability to transcend traditional ideas, rules, patterns, relationships, or the like, and to create meaningful new ideas, forms, methods, interpretations, etc.; originality, progressiveness, or imagination.

 A glorious and frustrating concept.

 I contain a lot of creativity; many ideas: standard, complex, normal, abstract. Self-discipline is my own worst enemy. I fight it, I resign myself against it, I eventually and occasionally embrace output in spurts - a vicious cycle of self-loving and loathing.

 I make stuff. I like it, love it even. Cards, images, stitching, writing. I have an extensive ‘to create’ list full of ideas I want to make and articulate. Some of these things I am actually pretty good at doing.

 I am told I have a 'good eye'. This eye is the core of it but not a sustaining feature - the discipline, the ability to overcome fear must be present – so difficult, I am forever reaching and beating myself up when I can’t find it quickly enough, easily enough. It is hard. I don't write this to garner sympathy but to explore why so many creative people (and I'm guessing most of us are), namely ME, don't ever get outside of our own heads, our own fears, our own damn laziness.

 Ira Glass has a quote (thanks to a friend who posted a .jpeg on the interwebs) that oscillates in my head, taunting me, encouraging me, "Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn't have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I've ever met. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile. You've just gotta fight your way through."

 Creativity, like anything, is a process. It is not immediate; creativity takes time, it takes dedication, it takes heart, most of all, it takes self-acceptance. I am here to accept my abilities, my talent and to grow it instead of stifling myself through fear or the unknown.

 These past few days I have been in an output mode, self-love instead of self-loathe, my heart goes into my creative output the goal of self-discipline and self-loving to follow. As the creative output ramps up, hell, I am even writing about it.

 Sealing up a new, completely original card to a friend I smile; realizing this is as much for her as it is for me. The quote I chose, a Chinese proverb, reads: The journey is the reward.