Shameless self-promotion

Not only do I enjoy blogging but I try to participate in other blogs too!

As most of my friends (and probably most acquaintances) know, I am a bit pedantic and love pointing out grammatical crapiness. So, when I discovered blogs such as Apostrophe Catastrophes, I had to participate. This post, self, is for you.

http://www.apostrophecatastrophes.com/2010/11/apostrophe-catastrophe-on-tv.html

For all the besties out there

There really can be completely platonic male and female friendships, I am living proof. My best friend of the opposite gender lives in Cleveland and is happily in a relationship with someone he intends to marry, albeit she lives in another state. However, from the day we met, we have never been anything but friends and while our relationship has evolved into a bestie status (I get to house sit, join dinners and be an honorary member of the family), there is no threat of getting physical or taking it beyond said bestie status.

To that point, I give you this video:

!!!!!!! [BESTIE x BESTIE 1] !!!!!!! from Dean Fleischer-Camp on Vimeo.

bird's eye view

Flying above the clouds, like sailing through an endless ocean; the often fluffy, sometimes translucent, always methodical waves, as far as the eye can see, distinguishing ground from sky virtually impossible.

Beauty is abound in every facet of our lives but it is essential to seek it out, to actively observe, to ensure the precious 'once in a lifetime' moments are not lost.  Introspection is essential but focusing too deeply inwards, worrying about what others think or disregarding the spectacular nature of our lives is a disservice, and like negative thoughts/emotions/actions, once they are out in the universe, it is never retrievable; once those moments have past, they're something we can never get back.

The Best Grilled Cheese

I had a hankering for a grilled cheese. I like to create culinary concoctions. Perfect. While the ingredients below are not your standard fare, save for The Melt, they are certainly delicious. While looks can be deceiving, this fromage is flavorful and filling.

Components of Concoction:

2 slices of Everyday Molasses Oatmeal Bread (from The Savory Root in Temple, NH)

1 shallot (from garden)

½ tomato from Blue Pike Farm

1/3 oz. of Crottin goat cheese

1/3 oz. Green Field Farms Raw Milk tomato garlic cheese

1/3 oz. Sugar River Cheese Co. While cheddar with Roasted Garlic and Onion

¼ avocado – The Basketeria

1 tblsp of butter

½ tblsp oil

Salt and pepper to taste

Directive:

In a pan over medium-high heat, sautee the shallot and fresh ground pepper in EVOO for 2-3 minutes, remove from heat and set aside.

In the same pan, melt tablespoon of butter over low heat. Coat one side of each slice. Add butter or cooking spray to recoat pan.

Add cheese and shallot and cook on each side 3-4 minutes, until cheese is beginning to melt. Add tomato and avocado to sandwich.

Return to heat and cook each side and additional 3-4 minutes or until desired crispness.

Enjoy.

All you have to do is go 75 m.p.h. or slower

“I wonder how many people get mad at him. I hope no one.” Julia lamented as her and I biked down the towpath in Peninsula. We were discussing a semi-regular topic between the two of us; the Rocky River police office who monitors 90W for speeders.

We work together in the ‘burbs and take a similar route to work each day, much of which entails driving on 90W from Lakewood to Westlake. There is an officer who regularly monitors a stretch of the highway, just over the hill before the Hilliard exit in Rocky River. Many a morning you will spot him just as you hit the crest of the hill, on the left hand side, Oakleys on, speed gun positioned on the hood of the driver’s side, monitoring the flow of traffic. If you are one of the commuters unfortunate enough to see him jump up, seemingly look you in the eye and waive you to the side of the highway, you know you’ve been caught.

It happened to me in November of last year; I was driving along, listening to my favorite music du jour, not paying mind to much else. I hit the hill and then I saw him and boy did he see me, my heart sank as I realized I was going 77 in a 60. Multiple finger points in my direction, some jumping and arm waving and I knew there was no one else. As he approached my car, he gathered the requisite identification asked me a few copish questions and then offered one piece of sage advice: “All you have to do is go 75 m.p.h. or less. I know no one goes 60 but anything over 75 and I have to pull you over.”

Wait a second, what? An officer willing to part with such wisdom and insight? I was shocked to say the least. I still got a ticket but I fared well. 75 in a 60 is still a pretty fine clip, I can’t really complain. While I still got a ticket, not only did he offer me the advice, but he was extremely efficient. While $180 is an expensive lesson, the entire process took about 10 minutes max. I was only 5 minutes late to work and was able to impart my newfound knowledge.

A week later, Julia’s sister got a ticket from the same guy in the same spot. Julia got herself a ticket just this past week. Sometimes knowing isn’t enough and you still hit 77. It happens. But, there is also a resignation and a sense of acceptance. Julia wasn’t mad. She knew going 77 was taking a risk, he might be there, but sometimes he isn’t. I don’t want to be late. I am chancing it. But usually, it isn’t even a conscious decision.

As we biked and talked, we both understood that while tickets are the pits, he was just doing his job and cutting most of us a huge break. Julia summed it up, “I just think he’s nice. [He’s] totally keeping the community safe.”

I saw him trolling for speeders again this morning and couldn't help wondering if he recognizes us regular commuters that he's snagged. As he sees me traveling at 71 m.p.h. I am one of the fortunate ones, I am in the know. I may never know. Next time you are traveling 90W, especially during the morning commute, don’t worry if you are going over 60, you will not get a ticket until you hit over 75. However, if you happen to get caught, keep in mind this officer is a nice guy and sometimes we all have a job to do.

If you go...roseangel - Gordon Square Arts District

roseangel inhabits a space that has seen its share of restaurants come and go...LA Boca, Crazy Mac's/Cheddars, Snickers...all great restaurants, none of which were here to stay. roseangel is the latest restaurant to make a success of the busy corner on Detroit and W. 58th in the budding Gordon Square Arts District.

As we walked in the door, we were greeted with the sound of a lively atmosphere, the restaurant and bar area full of patrons. roseangel has done a fantastic job with the decor. The walls are burnt orange, inviting and relaxing. There is a minimalistic approach that works well, the space feels like it flows relatively well. The bathrooms are clean and consistent with the dark ambiance. All in all, it's an ideal environment for friends, family or a date. 

The hostesses did not share in the liveliness of the venue and created a few tense moments due to lack of experience, or possibly, critical thinking skills. The first hostess to greet us did not seem very comfortable with her job duties. Upon indicating we did not want to experience the patio seating on a very hot and humid night, she needed to 'check on seating'. This caused her to disappear into the back for multiple minutes. Our party of three sat around looking at each other waiting for the hostess to come back. Another woman looked at us but did not assist as a party of two came in behind us. Upon seating them at a four-top table, she finally got back around to us asking if we needed help. We indicated someone had possibly been helping us but she disappeared. We were then seated at a high top small table in the bar area with a great view of all the happenings on Detroit Ave. The hostess finally returned stating she was not ignoring us but had to first seat another table. Confusing to say the least but at least we were seated.Despite the confusion and wait there may have been too many hostesses, muddling duties. After we were seated it took a while for our waters to be filled, as the hostesses stood around that station idly chatting. It took a waiter walking by and alerting our hostess that we needed water. As she filled our waters she also tried to take our drink orders, at this point, her demeanor, lack of critical thinking and vocal tone were enough and we elected to just wait for our server.

From there, everything went pretty smoothly. roseangel is a taquería and the menu, while concise, has ample offerings for the carnivore, vegetarian or pescitarian.  We elected to begin with red wine sangria, $27/pitcher. The sangria was relatively tasty, but not expertly made. For dinner, our table elected to go with the Chef's Whim, a 4-course meal for $18/person. We debated on an appetizer, and our server was not of much help, instead of guiding us through the AMPLE food we were to receive she just let us mull through it. While I appreciate a server not pushing options down diners throats, I also ask for advise because I want an honest opinion or feedback and if you are not up to speed on your restaurants offerings, training should be done before being let loose on the floor. However, having said that, our server was very nice and relatively attentive to us through our meal.

Like most chef dinners the table has to agree on the meat, or lack thereof, and the chef goes from there. The first course was chips and salsa. The chips, while I could not tell if they were homemade, were crisp and delicious. We received guacamole, pineapple and roasted chile, and tomatillo. All three were delicious. From there we had a basic salad which was good but nothing overtly eye or taste bud popping. The next course was veggie tacos with the same salsas (slighly disappointing as I would have liked to try others), fresh, thick corn tortillas, fresh cilantro and picked onions. There was a lot of food, enough for us each to have multiple tacos. From there were were stuffed and still had not received our desserts. We had them hold off on the deserts for about 30 minutes. The restaurant and staff was not pushy with us to get out the door and let us digest with our cocktails, all of which were delicious. When we did get our desserts there was Caramel Custard and two slices of Mango Cheesecake. The desserts were fantastic. The custard was just the right consistency, the cheesecake perfect. Although we only made it through a few bites of each, the desserts are worth it. If you elect to do the Chef's whim bring your appetite and a willingness to meet the chef. He came out a few times through our meal to ensure we liked what we were eating and enjoying the meal - it was a welcome personal touch.

Overall, roseangel was a great experience. As I pass by the restaurant on my bike there appears to be a constant flow of patrons. The food is great, the drinks pretty solid and as this restaurant gets comfortable in its  neighborhood I am sure the hostess issues will be tweaked and refined.

The Wrong Fit

What constitutes the crushing of a soul? What happens when it consumes a minimum of 40 hours a week?

The wrong job for a person is a detriment all around. It creates a divisive environment, one of apathy, angst and sadly, depression. Until someone is in a job (don't confuse it with a career) that is the wrong fit, they cannot fathom the ways it will impact every facet of their life.

I am one of those people.

It took me a long time in life to figure out who I am as an individual - and I am still evolving - and to truly be happy, positive and content. I am that person who loves life's experiences and all it has to offer. I know everything happens for a reason as much as I know I am only in control of me.

Having said all that, I. am. miserable. Welcome to the world of the underemployed. As many of my readers know, I was laid off 1 year ago (to the day as I wrote this out on paper - July 8). It is life changing to say the least. I continuously reiterate it was the best and worst thing to happen to my life. My plotted course? Disrupted. After enjoying an idyllic summer, I applied for a job, landed an interview (well 3) and accepted a job. It was all sunshine and lollipops. Promises of career growth, strong management and extremely high job satisfaction/low turnover.  My, how times have changed.

I have been with my employer for 10 months to the day. As I wrote this blog a couple days ago, I was headed to back to Cleveland from a trip to Minneapolis and literally cried at the prospect of having to come back to a job that holds little satisfaction. Knowing I had to walk into the office and try for yet another day to appreciate the fact that I am employed in this economy and reset my attitude and expectations.
Imagine driving 15 miles to work each morning telling yourself it could be worse. Imagine forcing a smile on your face as you punch in the key code only to have it dissolve the moment you cross the threshold. Imagine having nothing worse than seeing your boss, having him roll into your cubicle to ask 'What you've got going on today/this week?' only to act in a passive-aggressive manner. Imagine an inexperienced, aloof boss and having to deal with managing up every day. This is my life. Been there? Please share. We can all heal and learn through each other's plights.

I am a sales person. There is nothing wrong with that, I actually love sales. I was told my company is in the business of 'changing lives'. We're really in the business of open enrollment. What does that mean, you say? It means hitting people's deeper motivation, their pain points. It means hitting a number, of course, we're in sales, regardless of the student's capabilities. Since starting, I've learned the organization has recruited at shelters, cannot require people to do any sort of orientation and even enrolls MRDD, all under the guise of an open enrollment policy. Turn no one away. Convince prospects this is their chance to change their lives. Sure for some this is the case, it will help. But for those who are ill-equipped to take on classes or more, extremely easy to obtain debt, it's all that's wrong and unethical in for-profit education. I can only worry about myself and act in an ethical manner at all times. My ethics, integrity and morals are what keep me alive, healthy and sane. Call me preachy. Call me self-righteous, but I refuse to take advantage of those who are too ill-informed or ignorant to know what x,y or z degree will not land you your dream job/life, nor will I enable those who want to maliciously take advantage of generous federal educational funding...even if, and particularly if, that entity is my employer.

I feel woefully underemployed and underutilized. I beg to be challenged, to critically think. Neither my boss nor colleagues and students understand my vocabulary. Sure, it is robust, but by no means particularly poetic or scholarly. I've challenged myself to create opportunities to engage both my colleagues and clients with frustratingly minimal support or buy-in. I saw this post card on postsecret last Sunday...how fitting to sadly know so many people are just not where they should be in life
I realize this sounds like Complain Fest 2010, but hyperbole aside it is hard to digest feeling so underutilized. I literally feel a brain drain. I'm essentially getting dumber daily. What? You don't understand my vernacular? Let me try to simplify. What you are having trouble sounding out the words on the application? Let's enroll you! You don't want to do a workshop to improve your skills? Who cares, it is your debt you're incurring.

I could go on and on but will spare the minutiae. I am not sure of the exact moment I realized this is not the job for me. I'm grateful every single day for a consistent paycheck. I am appreciative for all the luxuries I've been afforded thus far in life but at the risk of sounding trite, it is not enough. I am too smart and too passionate and too valuable of a person and employee to waste it on a job that sucks my soul.

I write because it is a release. I write because it makes me happy and honestly, I write because I know I am not the only one who suffers through one more day, knowing there are better things to come. I know all this and I express all this but I am still scared. Scared of failure. Scared of success but is all culminates to essentially being scared of the unknown. I have been most successful when I have stepped outside of my comfort zone and a huge DUH to that one, who isn't? The question is, where is the next unknown and when  will I take the leap to find it?

Advice comes in many forms

Had an interesting eveing talking to a friend who has been going through relationship problems. We talked at length about feelings, actions and more importantly advice. He advised that people have told him to just 'poke around, see what's out there (if you will).' Of course, everyone has words of wisdom for someone facing strife. For example, these folks giving him womanly advice are here just for the now, for the immediate satisfaction and moment. It is a great way to forget about the past and move on to the next one. Complete jerks? Probably not. Short sighted and immature? Certainly. Who doesn't love offering advice, especially when solicited. I love giving advice. I love being an advisor, a mediator; hell, my ideal job is to be the ombudsman for National Public Radio (baby steps to hit that dream).  However, not all advice is beneficial in the long-term.

How often is someone scorned and the immediate response is to indulge in vices? Whether it be drugs, drink or seduction, the easiest reprieve from a difficult situation is to indulge in life's greatest maleficences. It is easy to forget that every experience and encounter allows one to become a better, more fulfilled individual or transversely allows one to suppress or ignore the duty of  here and now.  It is easy to get caught up in the minutiae of life whether it be a job, people or surroundings. I do, however, always take a moment to ground myself and refocus on what is important. Every experience, bother, hatred or scorn is just an opportunity to grow as an individual. The difficulty comes in being aware and possessing a willingness to constantly evaluate and reevaluate.

Advice comes in many forms. I lean heavily towards a meditative and Buddhist lifestyle. I believe everything happens for a reason; life offers a lesson at every turn and ultimately the hope is that, "Whenever you fall, pick something up." While I never want to preach or act better than another I do try to always look at the big picture, evaluating how today's actions will impact tomorrow. What I do today will ultimately shape who I am tomorrow and how others receive me.

 Taking a step back, I think about the shortsighted advice to just live for this very moment. I certainly believe in being happy today. here. now. Does happiness equal contentment? Of course. However, while we should all try to live in the present and be happy in thee here and now it is extremely detrimental to forgo respect, forgetting and/or ignoring all actions and/or consequences...it invalidates other's opinions, feelings and lives. To be truly happy, enlightened and content, means respecting everyone, regardless of the situation and/or background, embracing differences rather than contempt for what is unfamiliar or foreign.

Advice comes in many forms. It is easy to take the cowardly way out, acting like a jerk, not facing true feelings or acting in a manner unbecoming of an adult ( I use that term loosely - just what does it mean to be an adult?!? - surely another blog topic all its own). It takes an honest individual to be true to oneself and others, regardless of how hard that may be. A challenge I impress upon myself, are you up for it?

real eyes realize real lies. just be a good person.

I saw this quote on the bathroom wall at Earwax in Chicago yesterday. While Earwax's website is atrocious, their food is amazing and the bathroom ruminations even better.

Real eyes realize real lies. Just be a good person. This completely resonates with me. If one lives their life in a shroud of dishonesty, isn't ethical in business practices or is just a bit shady in general, the truth comes out. It is a simple reminder to focus on the good. It is so much harder to live a life of lies, to have to cover up the truth or sweat someone finding out something isn't what is seems.

Yeah, sometimes it sucks to tell the truth, admit fault; it can be embarrassing. Hurting another individual is the worst. It is still better than being a dishonest person.

I have been spending a lot of time evaluating my life, my career, the place I call home - it leads to a lot of introspection but also means looking outward. I don't have time to be around people who cannot add something meaningful to my life. I don't have the patience to deal with fake people. Life is short and it is ever changing. Good things happen to good people. I always want instantaneous results so this whole, which direction is my life headed, what is the right path? thing is tough because it cannot be done overnight. I do know that as I move forward I continue to grow as a person and am focused on surrounding myself with positive forces. 

This past weekend I got to spend a lot of time with two of my best friends and also got to know a few other amazing people on a more personal level. As my friend and I dissected the weekend we talked about how absolutely fortunate we are to not only have each other in our lives, but to also have core people who enhance our lives both professionally and personally. What a realization. Good people breed an aura of happiness and general contentment and why waste time on anything or anyone that can't bring that.

baby steps

So this is nothing new, but worth writing out for myself...take small steps to a simpler life. don't let laundry or dishes pile up, it just means more work later. I have been trying to employ little things into life.

I guess I am moving, albeit sloooooowly, more and more towards a Buddhist lifestyle. Life is all about reflection and letting it just do what it does. Easy to say, much harder to employ. Taking steps to simplify everyday life is a first step. Get rid of baggage, whatever it may be. Strife, stuff, whatever.

Tiny Buddha is a favorite site of mine. Recently it posted a link about small things that allows one to reconnect with the self.

I encourage myself, and others, to simplify and 'go with the flow.' See life for what it is and reconnect with yourself and others. Tune out, disconnect (as I write in my blog, irony is my middle name). Live vicariously through yourself. I believe in reincarnation but we only have today to live. We cannot live for tomorrow or we'll miss out on what is here and now.

exit interviews

All of life's ups and downs should be accompanied by exit interviews. You know, the prerequisite final hurrah when quitting an organization. Why are you leaving? What was good? What needs improvement? Why is the grass greener?

A lot could be gleaned if life could do the same. If every time you faced disappointment from someone or something you could sit down and gather honest, upfront information. If every time something didn't work out as you wanted or expected it to there would be someone who could tell you exactly why. Don't get me wrong, there is an aspect to that in every day life. Ask anyone who has shed tears to family and friends, there are people there to listen to our plights and offer sage advise. Sometimes, however, it isn't enough.

Part of personal and professional development is being coachable. Being humble enough to know you need to improve and having someone (yourself, a boss, a friend, a lover) outline what that improvement entails and why.

As people I think we are often afraid to disappoint and hurt others as well as ourselves. I believe if we functioned in an environment of open communication, albeit without accusation or hurtful intent, many people would be open not only to some introspective improvement, but also to live more for others and pay it forward.

I don't know. Life throws weird turns our way and it can be tough to understand why things happen the way they do. Instead of focusing on the past, I need to control what I can today and act upon that. Easy to say, sometimes it feels impossible to do.A few friends have told me lately to let go of the control and just go with the flow. This exit interview is helpful. The more I try to tightly hold everything and force a hand the more I create my own expectations and set myself up for disappointment.

So life as you were for so many yesterdays, here is my exit interview: I have a death grip on what I want to but cannot control. The death grip ends today. I need to go and explore and not be side tracked by my fear of the unknown. I cannot plan out everything and some things only happen when one is completely willing to just jump in and swim. So my dissatisfaction with career, personal life, whatever can't change unless I am the one to make it happen. Watch out life, my c'est la vie attitude and lifestyle returns to propel me into the best chapter yet.

If you love it, let it go

I have a sign posted in my bedroom that simply states, "If you love it, Let It Go. Let it go..." A friend came over recently and asked me about it. Why would I have a sign stating that if I love something I should let it go? I told her it is a reminder to stop dwelling and instead focus on what I can do, change and have. There is no point in hanging on to things that are outside of my control. If I love something and want something in my life I need to make it happen, otherwise, let it go and be free from the stranglehold.

I have been thinking a lot about that in recent months, hence the sign. I came across a great link from my Twitter feed today. There is a fantastic site called Tiny Buddha that focuses on little things that put life in perspective. Ways to refocus and concentrate on what is important in life. I ran across a specific link to a post about being happy by stopping all the hoping. Sounds counterintuitive? Maybe, but read the post, it makes sense. 

The entire post, Do Happy: Stop Hoping, is relevant, but this portion particularly resonated with me:

When you push through today for a better tomorrow without doing anything to create that new possibility your hope creates the illusion of change to come.

When you hold onto the past, hoping to revive a relationship, situation, or time that’s come and gone your hope precludes even better possibilities in the present.

Stop hoping for what can be, what may be or what was. Make the changes you want to make to be where you want to be. It is so easy to live in a what if, if only, when this type of life but until we're all willing to accept where we are now and where we want to be can we cannot forge ahead and make real life changes. No, it isn't easy, but being conscious of the self, of the being is a first step in truly being happy and not just waiting and hoping for that next change.

What will you do to stop hoping and be happy?

A little shameless promotion

As you may or may not know, I am heavily involved with the Junior League of Cleveland. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the organization we are basically a women's organization, nearing our centennial, who's primary focus is to help enrich the lives of Clevelanders through philanthropy and more importantly various key community projects that help some of the neediest citizens in Cleveland.

There are many ways in which we contribute to Cleveland, whether it be through helping restore the Playhouse Theatre, saving it from demolition, facilitating Healthy Kids initiatives at the Cleveland Children's Museum or volunteering at Huron Hospital's Storks Nest, the Junior League of Cleveland is an integral part of the community.

The Junior League of Cleveland currently has two initiatives that can benefit from the participation of everyone in the community.

The first is the annual fundraiser. This fundraiser helps support not only the Junior League but also helps fund the various initiatives we participate in throughout the Greater Cleveland Area. This year, the second annual event will be held May 7, 2010 at the Shoreby Club in Bratenahl from 6-11 p.m. There will be gaming tables, racing, silent auction and a wine raffle.

For more event information and tickets please visit: http://bit.ly/JLC_fundraiser. Tickets are $45 through the end of February and go up $5 each month so buy them early!

The other amazing initiative that needs immediate help and is of no cost. The Saturday Morning Tutoring Program NEEDS your help

Every Saturday, over 100 Cleveland area students, grades K-12, are in need of tutoring. While dozens of tutors are available each Sunday, there are never enough to match the demand of the students. You need NO experience, just a willingness to help out the wonderful children of Cleveland. If you have never tutored before, all it takes is a 45 min. on-the-job training and you are ready to go. I promise it is an extremely rewarding and fun experience!

The tutoring takes place every Saturday from 10a-12p at Church of the Covenant on Euclid in University Circle.

For more information please visit: http://tutor_me.tripod.com/

You do not need to RSVP ahead of time, just show up.

For information on anything I outlined above please drop me a line. I am passionate about improving Cleveland and know you are too!

Friends Are the Greatest

Sometimes people know just what you need and when. I referenced it in a previous post, but somehow friends just have a way of knowing and offering a shread of goodwill that goes a long way. A call. A card or a well timed haiku.

A great girlfriend created this haiku for me and I just love it:

Tattooed Female
With More Smarts than Average
Folk Boys Heart Sassy Kate

Appreciate your friends. Call them out of the blue. Send a card, a postcard or even an email. You will certainly make someone's day and what is better than telling someone you care (even just a little).

I need to work on my apathy

What's the true test of character? It's how one reacts in situations that are uncomfortable. Where you may be mad, sad, apathetic or whatever the reaction, will you hold your head high or feed into a negative reaction? I need to work on my reactions when I'm hurt. I shut myself in and don't do well hiding my emotions, rather they seem to radiate outwards as anger. It's easier to be angry than address hurt/sadness, which I why I don't just settle with anger and am generally never angry. Bothered with something? Sure, but not angry.
It is easy for me to forgive and evaluate a situation but sometimes all it takes is a fleeting comment or end of the night goodbye to bring the angst back up to the surface and become a weak individual. I hate weakness and it bothers me that my emotions have the ability to dismantle me in an instant.

What amazes me is just when you're unsure what to do, say or feel you reach out to the right person who offers the perfect response. Life is so bizarrely rad.

pay cuts and budgets

I was laid off in July of 2009. It was the best and worst thing that could have happened to me.

It was the worst thing ever because it was a blow to the gut. My boss was missing in action from my professional life for a few days, no one could tell me where he was. Our last few 1-on1's had been cancelled. He elected to let me go Over. The. Phone. From another state. He told me the department was going in a direction and I no longer fit into that vision. It was the worst because it was an abandonment of my 11 team members, each one I cared about deeply and was 100% vested in their job satisfaction and success. It hurt that I invested almost 5 years of my life and career and it was all gone in one day, at 7:45 in the morning (at least my boss, two hours behind out West had to get up REALLY early to fire me from behind a phone), with what felt like nothing to show for it but the few bags of possessions; along with tears I tried so very hard to hide, and damn, as I write this, it still hurts. It turned my life upside down, but hey, that is life. Get Bitter or Get Better (thanks to my absolute favorite Senior Vice President of HR who used that as her mantra).

It was the best because I felt stagnant. I no longer felt my boss was supporting me. I was and still am not a 'Yes Man'. I have my own opinions and want to use mind share to improve performance not only for myself but for the people I (did) manage. I was no longer allowed to do that. I also got my entire summer off, free and clear to enjoy a wonderfully sunny and glorious few months all to myself and Kiera (the orange furry gal who truly runs this house). I went home to Minnesota, visited Chicago and DC. I even went sky diving in PA.What truly blessed me about the layoff was it forced me to eventually reevaluate what I am looking to do and where I want to be in life. Every decision and every scenario allows someone to start over. As a manager, one of my perks, if you will, was the ability to reset expectations at any time. We are all in control of our own decisions and actions, and the layoff was my chance to reset my own personal expectations and use it as a chance to grow.

So, I did that. I took a hard look at myself. I threw around a lot of ideas to get out, move around. Then I got scared and stayed within the safety of what I already know. Luckily, with a well placed connection I secured a new job in September...with a significant pay cut; but hey, it is a job in an economy that isn't exactly booming. It allowed me to pursue a masters degree in Management (one of my true passions) free of charge. It motivated me to utilize the free year of career coaching available to me as a perk of my layoff. So I utilized my summer to live in a tanned, relaxed haze of travel, friends, books and exercise.

Reality has officially set in. That pay cut I mentioned? It has put a ginormous damper on my budget...i.e. I have never had one and just this past weekend embarked on said endeavor. I found out after taxes and health insurance, I am bringing home under $25,000. Hard reality to face. I have no idea how anyone, let alone families, lives off what seems like pennies. At the same time, clearly I have expenses that must be cut. It. Is. Hard. I have to reign in everything. AARGH. Eating out? Basically gone (I can't eradicate this one because I LOVE trying new foods and restaurants). A night out with people? Who am I kidding, only if I spend under $15. It shouldn't be hard, but I trained myself to enjoy what a life of excess has to offer. One of my 2010 goals was to get debt free outside of standard expenses (car loan, school). Turns out debt really does not fit into a budget. So what is a gal to do? My taxes. It's officially tax season, mine are almost done, just have to send it in. All but about $300 will go to paying off my credit card. I am so happy that it will be gone, but so sad I even allowed myself to get into debt. The lesson? Nothing is guaranteed. Nothing is permanent. We are all in control of our own actions and decisions. It took my life taking a 180 to fully realize that change is inevitable and while these lessons are hard, and frankly shitty, I know that even if I don't know exactly where I want to be, I am already a better person for it and can confidently say 2010 is the year of refocus and reinvention.

macrobiotics doesn't have to be so word-centric

Ok, so slowly working my way through the book, I am a slacker...whenever I have assigned reading it is inevitable that I will put it on the back burner, regardless if I like it or not.

The biggest thing that I am focusing on, and relates directly to a macrobiotic lifesytle, is the fact that all this pre-packaged crap has to go. Eradication nation.

Today I made an even more focused effort to make this happen. I already cook all. the. time., but want to focus even more on being true to my food. Today, I made hummus, salad dressing and cheesecake. The dressing was from all fresh ingredients and it was amazing. The hummus was from all fresh ingredients minus the chickpeas, those were canned. The cheesecake, admittedly was from ALL prepackaged food but at least I used free-range eggs and natural butter. Hummus? The next installment will require non-canned chickpeas.
I went to the westside market today to get a ton of supplies for all my foodstuffs . Queso and fresh mozzarella from The Cheese Shop. Fresh Bison from the bison stand (I can't remember the name) and homemade fajita seasoning and dried black beans from Urban Herbs. Talking to the woman at Urban Herbs, she reiterated what I already inherently knew, once I cooked and ate these beans, I "would never go back." A quick tip about cooking and some words of encouragement and I was on my way. I rinsed my beans, and soaked them...for a bit. Since I did not soak them overnight, I meant having to bring them to a boil and then simmer for about two hours. Three bay leaves, some crushed black pepper and my go to, Adobo, and after a looong simmer (a.k.a forgetting about them for roughly two hours total) my beans were done and SO good. Ms. Urban Herbs representative was right, I will never go back to a canned bean.
Granted, I am already what my friends would call a urban, modern hippie but damn, as I move more and more to my local, sustainable and non-packed, non-preservative laden food, I am a believer. Not only is it easy but it tastes so. much. better. Yes, it takes a little more time (emphasis on the little) but it is worth it. I challenge everyone to change one food product that you would normally just buy (beans, dressing, salad, pita chips) and try making it on your own. You'll be amazed and a believer.

Creepy is seeing various people at the gas station filling up three, and more, large gas cans. Conspiracy theorists? Hoarders?

Get your life right

Every day it's all about getting my life right. Cleaning out processed and packaged food, eating locally produced food as much as possible, going back to simple grains. Additionally, it is always about actions, not intentions. Being a better person inside and out.

a diet on macrobiotics

So it turns out the diet won't drastically change from what I eat now...as far as I can tell, HOWEVER, I will need to incorporate a lot more grains and seaweed...I live in Cleveland. Is there anywhere I can get this stuff? Who sells fresh and dried seaweed, etc?

My guide to marcobiotics

I randomly bought a book while in Albuquerque. I always went to Whole Foods while there to stock up on supplies so as not to be forced to eat the fast, horrendous food while on business trips. One random day I perused the books at Borders next to the glorious entity that is Whole Foods and found the book, 'The Hip Chick's Guide to Macrobiotics'. I had no idea, and still kind of don't, as to what macrobiotics entails, but had heard a few musings here and there and decided to purchase the book. This was well over a year ago and today, I am just seriously picking it up.

There is a lot going on in this book. 289 pages full of information, advise and recipes. Overwhelming? Maybe. Doable? Totally. I am a reader, books don't scare me! Until now. Until it pertains to an actual goal. I am a slacker, I said it, a slacker. How am I going to do this? Well, I started my masters degree and haven't dropped out yet, a month trial on a macrobiotics diet shouldn't be too tough.

OK, preface, intro, ahhh, the meat and potatoes (or lack thereof since this is macrobiotics). The first thing it tells me is to not beat myself up. Don't be hard on myself... okaaaay, change entire outlook on life...check. It says I don't have to deprive, just don't act like a maniac...hmmmm. Slowly change eating habits...OK, I can do that, have been doing that for a while now...this can't be too bad.

There are twelve laws. As I read this book I will outline what I learn. Before I can even start the diet portion (page 71) I need to get through the laws and what to expect. Thus far, from the intro, I have learned that this isn't a life changing endeavor and there are skeptics, but it is not too hard and I will feel better physically, emotionally and sexually as this adventure unfolds...who can argue with that? Well you can, but I am going to keep my skepticism at bay.

Is it New Years already?!?

So, like many, I am going to use the new year to try some new things, including but not limited to the following:

1. testing out a macrobiotics diet for a month
2. going out to eat less
3. starting my own compost (for my garden)
4. starting recycling at my campus
5. focusing on others rather than myself.

Some of these are ambiguous but doable. The first endeavor is the macrobiotic diet...